Thursday, September 20, 2007

Sanity Creeps Back In...

I feel that I have gained at least a small percentage of my sanity back, even just in the past couple of hours. The mousse incident this morning was rough, and I opened that vitamin bottle and definitely does not smell good anymore, haha. I forgot to mention... if you refer back to my "Friendship..." post it says how I had asked if we could still go to Universal Studios together on Friday (which is tomorrow) and he finally messaged me back today and said this:

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Daniel, I planned that trip to Universal for it to be stress free, and no offense but right now I think we are a source of stress in each other's life... so I don't think it would be for the best...sorry man :( I still got tickets though, so when this thing blows over we can totally go. And in terms of stress, I hurt my damn back yesterday in the gym, so it should be so much fun anyways, you might not WANT to be around me lol.

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This kinda upset me because he considers me stressful... when I have been doing nothing but keep my distance from him. I can definitely understand potentially how he could be stressed by all of this, don't get me wrong, but I dunno... like I said earlier I wish he missed me, but whatever. So after all that I went to class and got my assignment due for next week. The assignment requires me to travel to St. Augustine, which is 4-5 hours away, and do a bunch of research, drawings and other architectural stuff. So this at least gets me away and busy for the weekend and it's almost like a vacation because I have never been there, have always wanted to go, and I heard it's beautiful. So off I go on Saturday! Tomorrow will probably be rough because I know I'll be sitting around doing nothing and thinking about how J is at Universal right now with god knows who. But I can take my free time tomorrow to do laundry, go do some laps in the pool... I'll of course call a few friends see if they are free to relax. I know tomorrow night I am going to see a movie with some friends and then hit a bar later that night with an old ex to catch up, so that'll be fun. I just need to get through the first three quarters of the day, gotta keep busy!

Speaking of doing things to keep me focused... I am going to take on strict weight training and dieting. I am a skinny guy and have always wanted to bulk up and get nice and toned. So I have been doing research about proper muscle building diets and routines and while I'm going to be miserable trying to adjust to it all I am sure I will be happy with the results months down the road and it will help boost my physical confidence and of course pump me some endorphines! I guess I'm also doing it to eventually get to J. I'm definitely not doing it for him, I am doing it for myself but it would be nice to visually rub it in his face the new nice body I will have which I know he wants to obtain. Granted he has a nice body but I know I can define my muscles better than he can because I have much less body fat, so he'll see what he gave up and I'm going to work my ass off to get to my visual goal. It'll be a good thing all around for me to do.

Anyway... I think overall I can project that by the end of next week I should be doing better, much better than I have been. I could be wrong though... if J and I start talking again after I see him on his birthday this coming Monday I could get all twisted again. I definitely want to make a post, probably my next one, about how I want to approach seeing him on his birthday and how I want to approach any type of communication with him thereafter. So until that post!

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